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Friday, September 17, 2010

Yom Kippur: A Taste of Heaven

Yom Kippur is the time of the year when we dress in holy clothing, when we fast all day, and pray the entire time. We do this to emulate the angels of God. Angels are dressed in divine clothing, they do not eat, and praise God. Heaven in Judaism is described as a place where all the good people give praise to God and learn his Torah.

But did you ever wonder what such a life is like? Yom Kippur gives you a glimpse into such a life. Such a life will basically be sucking the great big cock of God all day long. God will lube up your anus with some Astroglide, or whatever your favorite lube is, and stick his cock in there. You will be screaming "oh my God" as that giant cock of his goes all the way in. As God is doing his work with you, you will continually recite praises, non stop. After some anal action, you will get on your knees drop your mouth, and this time God will stick his cock into your mouth. And you will still be reciting praises with a stuffed mouth. You will finally understand why God is your Lord. And you will get to know why they call him the Rock when you feel his extremely hard cock in your mouth. Also the white scene that we are familiar with on Yom Kippur will finally make sense to us when we realize that all of heaven is filled with God's sperm. This will happen to you every day. You will suck on God's giant cock all the time with praises and recitations with none of your own free time.

You can keep your heaven to yourself, I want no part of it. Who would want to live in such a world?


  1. but think about after all that when it is finally over. What a relief! Then you finally are in heaven

  2. Ways that God is like the most extreme version of an abusive (and possibly psychotic) boyfriend:

    * Needs constant praise and makes you feel guilty for just being human.
    * Has severe jealousy issues.
    * He lets painful experiences happen to you that he could easily prevent, just to test your devotion to Him.
    * Claims credit for everything good in your life; claims nothing bad in your life comes from Him.
    * Threatens you with eternal torture if you ever leave Him.
    * He is constantly swearing that He loves you and you need Him.(Thanks Richard Collins).

    Ways to tell if you are in danger of being taken advantage of in a relationship with this abusive God:

    * You are highly defensive of Him from even the slightest criticism of His flaws.
    * You talk to Him every night, and He never responds yet still expects unwavering devotion.

  3. God: The Ultimate Wife Beater and Child Abuser?